Domo. :D

Somehow, uni life makes my fuse damn short.

it shortens my tolerance level.

for a lot of things.

got irritated by a very small issue today.

its a puny issue.

not even worth mentioning.

but i got upset for quite a while.

only music managed to calm me down,

return me to my normal state.

dont understand why i did.

my level of tolerance used to be much higher,

and this is an issue so small its not even

worth bothering.

something i will always tell my friends to

"dont care cause its just a small thing"

a lot of things i used to be able to do,

for my family, for my friends,

i am not capable enough to do now,

or i want to help, but it is simply out of my reach

cause of my busy schedule.

what i fear most,

that i cannot do anything to help my friends.

Even if i see them in pain, i see them miserable,

my heart bleeds for them,

but i cannot do anything to help.

the only help i can give,

is an attempt to meet,

an attempt to talk to them more often,

to hug them, and to console them when they cry.

i feel angry at myself whenever this happens.

but i know its not something that is within my control.

its not something that i can do just because

i wish for it.

im doing things i dont like to do, but i need to.

i cant do things that i want to do, because i need to do those

that i need to.

what is 'need'?

how is it defined?

when your friend cries, or

is not in a good state,

is it a 'need' for u to address this first?

or to settle your own exam,

your own schwork?

i am sorry friends.

im not being a good enough friend.

i am not able to do all i can for you.

i apologize.

even as technology advances, and there is so many ways you can communicate

with a person now.

with sms, msn, email, skype, twitter. etc

but nothing beats a call,

a talk face to face,

a handwritten letter.

it shows you that the person cares enough to make the extra effort.

rather than just a virtual greeting.

i may neglect my friends sometimes by doing these virtual stuff,

but I try my best.

i liked fri,

fri 19th feb 2010.

we went to mass bainian.

won money, played, had fun, laughed and joked.

played rock band. (:

went lulu house play blackjack.

go chenyang house feed till bao bao.

then go zq house play so much.

and for the one time since we started the recess week,

not a single thing from sch came into my mind. :3

glad to have such a bunch of friends. :D

long time since i played so hard. but i really enjoyed

myself on friday. :3333333

how i wish, things were much simpler.

how i wish, i was back as a kid, when i cry for food,

when i cry for hugs, when i cry because my diaper needs changing.

when i grow up,

i dont cry as much anymore.

and similarly, my motivations for crying are no longer as simple as it once is.

The older i get, the more truth i see of the world,

and the more i feel that the world is ugly by nature.

is just, when you're young, all these is hidden behind a veil.

and the older you get, the more of the veil is revealed.

and the more you feel the adult world is much scarier.

and the conflicts you once saw between adults,

they are no longer as simple as you thought when you were young.

It contains a lot of background.

so much that when you start to learn about it,

you realise you dont really want to know.

that you rather the conflicts were as simple as you thought it was.

ignorance is bliss.

i have a lot of emotions flowing through tonight.

but for some reason, i cant seem to find a way to

express them at all.

talking about it today after a long time,

but it didnt feel any different. still feels like how i felt not long ago.

I was agitated when i was saying it.

but i wasnt angry at you. not really.

the worse thing is im angry and upset about the situation,

and how it turned out,

but i can never muster enough energy to be angry at you.

Its like being angry with yourself,

drains your energy out but nothing much has been achieved.

feels weird tonight.

i dont feel upset,

but i dont feel too good either.

maybe i was right.

we wouldnt last pass this,

we wouldnt last pass university anyway.

might be better for everyone like that.

i might be in self denial,

but i dunno how much more of this

i could have handled then.

or now,

or in the future.

suddenly likes sunflowers a lot.

and daisies, and smiley yellow flowers.

i missed the times when I smiled because

i was genuinely happy.

not because i was trying to cover up my sadness.

the times when i laughed because i felt happy,

because i felt like it.

the sunflower turns 48 minutes slower than the sun

Tomorrow is valentine's day.

Cum chinese new year.

First time since j1 im spending vday sort of alone.

but yeh im alright alr.

i guess.

lemme have a nice day tmr. :3

Getting upset is when you know something is wrong and you

cannot solve it, or when you know how to solve it but you cant solve it.

for some stupid reason or another.

so actually. nothing is worse getting upset about.

but i cant help it. unfortunately.

today was a bad day.

let my cny be a good day.

i shall try and be a hermit.

(*crosses fingers)

Time is the enemy.

Not enough time for sleep,

to rest well, to do work, to meet people,

to have personal time.

Recently I am always racing against time.

I am tired. But I dont have a choice.

And the lack of time is making me lose contact

with the people I hold close to my heart,

and who I believe used to hold me in the

same place. But I guess now its not the same.

Oh well.

I cant expect everyone to treat things the

same way I do.

Was happy seeing all the happy faces today.

Seeing each person happy when they received

the small gift was an extra motivation to me.

Seeing my friends happy, make me happy.

Makes me happy cause I made someone smile.

Makes all my effort worthwhile.

Thanks guys.

Happy seeing choy and ph today.

Laughing all the way, like we used to do

on the way to school.

Crapping about random stuff with choy,

hiding behind the menu stalking ph.

Things other people will will deem as insane,

or feel that we are out of our minds.

But I feel happy doing these stuff with SDS,

laughing at the harvey norman tune,

doing stupid stuff makes me feel my life is

not just NUS, and my degree, and my schwork.

For once in a long time, I actually feel like

I have a life.

Thanks SDS. lets meet more often,

I WILL TRY. (CROSSES FINGERS*)

these few weeks my emotion upswing quite large.

like tsunami like that. a while ago, it will be calm and smooth.

then it will suddenly fluctuate.

and then suddenly go back to normal again.

started with ironing the uniform.

how can anyone have such an emotional reaction to the

sch uniform? i agree.

but unfortunately i was such a person.

i never ironed my mjc uniform so fast before.

trying hard to keep the tears from falling.

but after a while,

i feel like normal again.

and then seeing his classmate at harbourfront.

in a circumstance i didnt want.

that might create problems.

but oh WTH. doesnt matter anymore anyway.

i didnt talk long. felt bad. but i was really scared

she will mention him.

and i dunno how i will react.

shall not cry in some random mrt/outdoor location.

im sick of it.

so i avoided her.

and then. today i passed by simei again.

mum was chatting with me,

and as it approached simei.

i could consciously feel myself

breaking apart inside.

slowly and silently,

without mum knowing.

i only felt better after we passed by simei.

it was as if i could actually breathe again,

and as if i held my breathe through the

whole station.

dont know why my emotions keep switching

these days. but i guess its far better than long

termed emo bouts. at least this is short,

and doesnt take long for me to recover.

heard this on tv today :

不要哭。

在哭就代表你还爱他，

你还想他。

so does it mean if i dont anymore,

this doesnt apply?

i dont think so.

unfortunately.

i wish life was like 1231,

true or false.

simple and straightforward.

no gray areas.

found this by accident:

"43 things a girl wished her boyfriend knew."

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#37 Let her into your world.

Guys sometimes wonder whats insides girl's brains. Why some of us behave a certain way they can never comprehend.

And at times they can only scratch head and wonder what went wrong.

Deny it, but its true.

And the cute thing is, girls feel the same way too.

They feel (O.O) at some of the things guys do too.

So, yes, complain all you want about your girlfriend/female good friend.

But its mutual. (: